The Monthly Pornobioscoop:

We go first so you can come quickly

by Mike Ock & Timothy Baptiste

Taylorbow.com

“Welcome to the official site of Taylor Bow, the girl who broke my heart into a million little pieces.”

In the world of make-believe that is internet porn, TaylorBow.com, also a complete and utter work of fiction, finds a way to stand apart. The site delivers a specific flavor of fring* porn, a jilted lover’s revenge.

The premise of the site is basic enough. While in love with his girlfriend, and over the natural span of their relationship, our P.O.V. “host” videotapes their daily cummings and well, that might be it. Boasting morning and evening mouth fuckery, theme head, such as holiday-oriented mistle-blow, as well as videos where he sauces the tops of cupcakes and other treats… Well, needless to say, the girl ate a lot of cum. And more importantly, he got all of it on tape.

The sex is hot, dirty, and messy. Its greatest success is the comfort in which the two fuck and the eagerness with which Taylor throws back that eventual shot glass of jizz. It genuinely seems like she’s doing it for the love of the game. There are no glazed over dope-eyes, no visible track marks, just a willing and creative spirit. At no point does she look like death warmed over, smoking a cock to fill up her gas tank enough to get to her pimp’s condo, she simply looks like some guy’s girlfriend. When a video is shot first person, the difference is enormous.

With the eventual break up, the text boxes inform, our host uploaded these past intimate moments, letting them fall once more like sand through the hourglass of time only to be paused, rewound, and rejaculated all over again.

A girlfriend’s worst nightmare, and a scorned boyfriend’s final revenge, this website shows that home pornography can even the score if you’re burned in a girlfriend’s exit strategy. In simple terms, don’t cheat if he has hours of video footage of you blowing him while he’s sitting on a spinning washing machine.

*The fringe being where the slippery gristle lives, giving you access to true intellectual depravity, the place were you find the girl who looked like your mom did in college, doing things that make you look away at first, then look back with your pants getting tighter by the second.

Score: 8 out of 10
To be honest, this one’s pretty damn great. It lets you live vicariously as a scumbag with a pretty hot ex-girlfriend, not only experiencing what it was to lovingly sex this girl on seemingly an hourly basis, but it gives you a taste of his revenge, which once spgets you hard all over again.
















XXXSpaceGirls.us

Oh the girls of XXX Space. What would we do with out you? A site that finally acknowledges the question; “What would happen if the Sci-Fi movie industry actually gave the fans what they wanted?” and answers it with a resounding, and somewhat overly simplified, “Enjoy!”

Finally, I can find hours and hours of familiar faces fornicating in a way that’s fresh and new. Girls that are usually pigeon holed into scenes featuring the tired “human-guy/ human-girl/ human guy” combos now get break out roles to really showcase their range. Their reels can now feature these pleasure artists prominently sucking and fucking aliens who sport neon-blue, three-foot long cocks that ejaculate purple go-gurt by the gallon. Well, that’s certainly new.

Watching a girl, whom for months in the porn business has been stuck in the role of the slutty secretary, abruptly transform into an starving android that uses semen as fuel and ergo has to feverishly suck off every guy on the spaceship or accept the static charged embrace of techno-death, well, you discover a new found appeal. Suddenly, she has subtext. It’s about survival, or the bizarre humanity and fear found in artificial intelligence. And now, now you have a film.

Always a happy detour and easily able to offer hours of screaming action on the screen, this site is just what the doctor ordered when you start fiending for some strange, but don’t want to look quite that deep into the abyss.* Mostly tongue and dick in cheek, it’s a fun time, and will give you some satisfaction in a place you haven’t been touched since your imagination gave a shit about space travel.

*Don’t worry, in a few years, when you’ve really hit bottom and you’re ready to delve into the abyss, when you feel like you need to hurt yourself and blacken your mind just to get a little sour silt to spit out of your ugly stick, it’ll be there waiting. “Just a taste, man. All I want is a taste.” It’s worse than you imagine and it takes months to get its oily slippery fingerprint off your soul.

Score: 5 out of 10
All in all, if used more than semi-annually, you run the risk of turning into some kind of “Kirk pervert” and may soon have even more difficulty connecting to women that don’t have tits like caterpillars have legs. Use with caution.















Arielrebel.com

How is this girl different from any other teen vixen on the internet?  She isn’t.  She’s just like all those other doe-eyed temptresses.  But admittedly, there is something that keeps me coming back to this one.

Ariel Rebel is in the same stable as Ana Fey, Tabitha Fey, and of course, Kristina Fey.  But those other girls are just whores.  Ariel is special.

Maybe it’s because she’s the dark-haired diamond in the rough sandy blonde beach that is the world wide web.  Maybe it has something to do with that skateboard photo shoot.  Or maybe it’s just because she actually looks like she’s 18 and she’s not covered in cum.  That is, she’s posing like she’s 18, like it’s still fun for her.  And that makes it fun for me.  It’s fun to visit Ariel Rebel.  Really, it’s just clean fun.

Whatever.  I don’t have to justify myself.  I jack off to this website all the time.*

*Be warned, as a member’s comment reads on the site: “After I signed up to her site, I had to go to the doctor’s!  I masturbated so many times, that my dick swelled up!  But it was soooo worth it!”  And that’s a better review than anything I could offer.

Score: 7 out of 10
This website is also trilingual!  If there’s a benchmark for success in the adult website industry it’s whether or not the grammatically incorrect “come-on” text has been translated.















Whoresofwarcraft.com

Have you seen the second episode?  “Pirate Booty.”  It’s brilliant!  Why are these guys messing around with the internet?  They’re making 18 minute, high-budget, plot-driven television shows!  This shit should be on HBO.

It doesn’t take a genius to know that freakish elf and wizard sex targets the largest porno demographic on the planet: nerds.  Geeks who play online roleplaying games have the most pent up sexual aggression and misguided ideas of reality.  And ff you can tap into that, then you’ve got something.

Welcome to the world of Whorecraft.

The geniuses behind Whorecraft, headed by pornography veteran Dez, have accomplished the most difficult task of filmmaking.  They made a spoof porn without it being a spoof porn. 

But could you expect anything less than stellar from the creator of such classics as "Dez's Dirty Weekends", “Maximum Trust,” and “Contract Killers”?

Let’s give credit when credit is due, shall we?  I mean just because you don’t get off to elf warrior women getting pounded on desert planets doesn’t mean it’s not brilliant.  And it serves the community, er… a community, the community of Warcraft. 

This isn’t some kinky fantasy website.  This is supply and demand.  This is supplying a demand, a demand made by delusional cyber-dwellers, but a demand nonetheless.

Score: 4 out of 10
You thought it would get more points?  It’s still a freakshow!  Get a life.
In fact, it only got that fourth point because there’s a FAQ about how YOU can be in an episode of Whorecraft.  I give the whole project one season before it joins the ranks of “failed episodic porno sites based on online role playing games.”